My smart phone is really so smart on a good day. On other days, it chooses words I didn’t choose and then sends them out to the world, answers itself when I’m in the middle of a meeting, or suddenly decides to read an entire Facebook posting to me including the http address.
Yesterday was a good day though. It reminded me that yesterday was my nephew, Jude Wyant’s, 7th birthday. . . .and that reminder reminded me that today is my Grandmother Wyant’s birthday. Today she would be 105 years old. Each year on her birthday, I get her sewing box out and go through the contents. The handle is broken and it’s not used as a sewing box anymore but it’s a ritual I love and it seems to have a special meaning this year because one of the things I dug out of Brittany’s house rubble was the sewing box I made for her as a young adult.
Yesterday was a good day though. It reminded me that yesterday was my nephew, Jude Wyant’s, 7th birthday. . . .and that reminder reminded me that today is my Grandmother Wyant’s birthday. Today she would be 105 years old. Each year on her birthday, I get her sewing box out and go through the contents. The handle is broken and it’s not used as a sewing box anymore but it’s a ritual I love and it seems to have a special meaning this year because one of the things I dug out of Brittany’s house rubble was the sewing box I made for her as a young adult.
My grandmother’s sewing box nearly looks just the way she left it – a storage spot for the things she would need the next time she had to mend or sew. Things like:
- a 7-inch orange zipper that was purchased for 28 cents in department 3 of an Indiana store
- four garter hooks that I’m sure were meant to replace a broken one at some point in time (time capsule for my young readers, garter hooks were attached to an amazingly cruel looking contraption that was worn by women to hold up nylons because there were no panty hose)
- a thimble and a mother of pearl tracing wheel
- a child’s tie clip
- Uncle Doyle’s broken glasses that he probably asked her to fix (I know these are his because he told me so but couldn’t remember why they would have been in the box)
- Buttons left over from her sewing projects (the buttons I love the most are the ones that she covered to match her outfits – does anyone do that anymore?)
- Unused lace and left-over pattern pieces and 12 cent cards of buttons waiting for the next sewing project
- A pin from the 50s of the head of Christ with the caption, “Inspiration”
It’s now become a memory box and I’ve added things over the years that are special and irreplaceable like:
- the Barbie doll coat that my Grandmother made for my blonde bubble-haired Barbie, which by the way is a testament to her sewing skills. The coat is made from a remnant of something she had made for herself and is lined in red satin, including the underside of the collar and the sleeves and pockets. It may not have been the high-fashion Barbie was used to, but it was certainly the warmest because it was made with such love and care to detail
- funeral memorials of family members that I’ve sadly collected over the year
- birthday cards and clippings and little gifts that were included like a clip-on book mark that she made and sent to the grandkids one year
- a note from my very young daughter, Brittany, that she wrote after she had been snooping in my closet. It says “I wish I could of met her. She sounds very nice. I wonder what she and he’d think of me. What do you think? I wish they didn’t die. They sound so nice. I’m sad. And sorry. How did she have a heart attack? Don’t cry. I can’t help crying either. Love, Brittany"
- letters – the most valued thing there – letters from my grandmother and other special people. The letters that I’ve posted from our great grandmother Miller are stored here.
Well, she might not say “flipped my wig” and she’d probably add some things alongside her cautions about marijuana. Oh yes, her list would probably be a little longer. But the general message is still fitting, perhaps even better 43 years later.
March 24, 1970
4:30 A.M.
Dear Melinda,
Every now and then you come before me, since you’ve become a young lady. I intended, fully intended, to call you back on your birthday to wish you a very happy birthday but our service held so long that night and it was too late. Then I forgot it. I hope you don’t think I’ve “flipped my wig” as your generation would say ….ha! ha! But I woke up with you on my mind and I wonder if it isn’t God talking.
First I thought…you were my first little granddaughter and how proud I was that you were a little girl. I wanted a little girl so long before I got her. Why? I don’t know. Because I’m equally as proud of our fine sons. Everyone has gained an honest and upright place in life. All have grown up to be “God fearing” men. Some stronger than others but all have made good fathers and I’m glad.
But I was somehow thinking of you. What a dangerous age you’ve been born into and how glad I am that your parents are “God fearing” and capable to lead you and guide you down life’s pathways.
It rather scares me when I sit on the sidelines and see the dangerous pitfalls for fine young people that are stumbling along, I was thinking of how proud I was of you the night we were at your house, watching you strum your guitar as your little brother tried to follow you along and your fond glances, that came from your very pretty blue eyes as you led him in your folk songs.
How full life can be for you but at 16, the turning point of your life, how empty it could be. So proud to remember your opinion on the “smoking pot,” Hold on to what God has given you! Choose companions that think and act as you’ve been taught. Because here lies the secret to the “ease or furiousness” of your struggles.
What a contrast to your start of life to your cousin growing up in Spokane, Washington, already at 16 he has been in jail over marijuana. Hold on to your virtue and treasure it, it’s hard to regain.
In the last few years, I’ve come into contact with so many young people that have just grown up like weeds in a beautiful garden. No training! No chance to become a beautiful rose like you have had. Never have been taught to clean their room or take care of their clothes.
So this morning I’m thanking God for your start in life. Hold fast to that which is good! Read Ephesians, Chapter 6: 1 – 4. A beautiful meaningful scripture for children and moms and dads. Keep close to your church in this dangerous day.
I think Rev. DeSanto is a good man. But don’t agree with him in many ways. His standard is too loose, contrary to the Church of God that never condoned mixed bathing (translation from 2013: this means coed-swimming). It’s a beginning to letting down the bars. And dancing comes next in order. Your church helps you to have a clean time without dangerous things that can and often do cause young people to lose their virtue.
This may sound silly now but you will see it someday and thank God. Keep your hand in His. And thank Him daily for the start in the right direction down a dangerous rocky road.
Hope you take this like Grandma means it for I love you and am looking forward to being proud of you in your most treasured days ahead. Graduation! And Mom and Dad can’t think of it yet, but your wedding day. I feel like God has inspired me to write this in the month of your 16th birthday. I love you my first little Granddaughter.
Lovingly,
Grandma Wyant
P.S. So I feel more than ever it is God-inspired looking for something to stress my point, this bit of wisdom is what I found.
And enclosed in the envelope was a poem that she had clipped and included as the “bit of wisdom.” Ruth and Grandma did this all the time . . . it was their version of Facebook! This is what the clipping says along with her note that was written at the top saying, “I think this is so good.”
Twas a sheep, not a lamb, that went astray in the parable Jesus told: A grown sheep that had gone astray from the ninty and nine in the fold; Out on a hillside, out in the cold, “Twas a sheep the good shepard sought”; And back to the flock, safe in the fold, “Twas a sheep the good shepard brought”; And why for the sheep should we earnestly long, so earnestly hope and pray? Because there is danger: if they go wrong, they will lead the lambs astray; When the sheep go wrong, it will not be long till the lambs are as wrong as they, And so with the sheep we earnestly plead, for the sake of the lambs today: If the lambs are lost, what a terrible cost some sheep will have to pay.
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| Grandma Wyant and her first grandchild, Melinda - how blessed I am to be the first but I take seriously my duty to share what the younger ones might not know when it comes to heritage |
So what’s the lesson she was trying to teach me at the age of 16? My interpretation even at that young age was that it was time to start thinking about the kind of sheep I would become. To me, it was a message received loud and clear . . . childhood is nearly over. Make good decisions and become a strong sheep so that you don’t lead my great-grandchildren lambs astray. I want you to get this right because I love you and I don’t want you to pay the price that so many pay. My grandmother didn’t tell me anything my parents didn’t teach me but for some reason, it stuck in a different way.
Brittany asked in her sweet little note, “what would she think of me.” What an amazing question for a five-year old to ask. A question that I truly asked myself so many times over the years as I struggled to raise my kids and then there it comes, straight out of the mouth of a babe. This is what I think Brittany, Ashli, and Tyson. And this is what I want you to remember as you are parenting. I didn’t always get it right but I got it right more often than I got it wrong and the proof of the pudding is in each of you and the way you are living your lives and raising your children. She would be proud of you and the lives you are living. She would thank God for the protection and safety that He provided for you in those dangerous years. And Brittany, she would put her arms around you and say, “oh how I wish you didn’t have to endure the stress of a house fire but you will be even better on the other end of it. God has a plan for you and your sweet family. Stay strong and seek God's plan for you all."
No parent, if they’re honest, can say that they do/did things perfectly but if the perfection you seek is in the fight to keep them from following a sheep who will lead them astray, that’s pretty darn good. If it is in sticking to what you believe in and in what you know will bring your children through to the other side of adult hood with some battle scars, but not dead on the battlefield, that’s good parenting. If the perfection is in the way you love them unconditionally even if you don’t like them at the moment, or still being able to guide them consistently despite your own exhaustion, this will pay off with children you can be proud of. Every parent needs a rudder to keep them upright. For me, this letter from my grandmother was part of my rudder and I’m just so thankful that she got up to write it at 4:30 A.M. rather than going back to sleep and ignoring a burden that was on her heart.
This blog is dedicated to all of those Wyant great-great grandchildren who are approaching those teen years (because 12 is the new 16, right?) and those amazing Wyant grandchildren and great-grandchildren who are navigating parenting in a pretty scary world.
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| The great grandchildren at Hamline Chapel |
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| One of my favorite pictures in Grandma's kitchen - homemade ice cream |
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